Helena Kerschner started identifying as a boy when, at 15, she began browsing Tumblr, a social networking site that allows users to post content to a short-form blog. In that online environment, there were many teenagers who, like her, tolerated depression or eating disorders. To cope, many assimilated the idea that they were in the wrong body, and users continually encouraged one another to experiment with their gender identity.
Though Kerschner tried to adjust to identifying as a male by doing things like using the boys’ restroom, she later began to regret her decision. One significant factor that made her realize she had made a mistake was the negative side effects she experienced from taking testosterone.
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“For me, it was mostly psychological; I wasn’t on it for long enough for it to have any long-term physical effects,” Kerschner expressed during an interview on Tim Pool’s podcast.
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“But it destabilized me, and another piece of context is that the people who prescribed me it prescribed me four times the dosage that I should have started on,” she resumed.
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Kerschner was given testosterone after one appointment at Planned Parenthood, although she did not reveal the location for privacy reasons. She declared employees talked with her for about 20 minutes before she sat down with a nurse practitioner.
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“She says, ‘OK, we’re gonna start you on like, 25 milligrams,’” Kerschner recalled. “And then I say to her, ‘Well, I think that I need more because my hips are big. So I think I have extra estrogen, and I’m gonna need more testosterone to look like a boy.’” According to Kerschner, the nurse didn't oppose and instead asked how high of a dose she desired. The teenager asked how high of a dose she could get, and the nurse gave her 100 milligrams of testosterone before sending her out the door.
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Planned Parenthood staff didn't require any bloodwork or medical records before prescribing her testosterone. All she needed to show them was $200, she stated.
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As a result of taking the testosterone, Kerschner said that she began experiencing a “wide spectrum of emotions.” For example, instead of feeling sad or nervous, as most people do when something bad occurs, she recalled how she would immediately feel rage and the desire to punch somebody.
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“The testosterone and the rage attacks were so intense that I ended up hurting myself. So I had to be hospitalized twice for these reasons,” she conveyed.
In terms of why she had such a reaction to the testosterone, Kerschner said it was because her female body wasn't designed for taking in an infusion of cross-sex hormones.
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“Your brain and your body are meant to work on the hormones that you are meant to produce,” she said. “You’re not going to be a mentally or physically healthy person if you’re taking a bunch of testosterone as a woman or a bunch of estrogens and suppressing your testosterone as a man.”
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