"Tonight, we come here to answer a very important question in everybody's mind. Why in hell are we still doing this?" Biden joked as he took the stage in the room packed with journalists and D.C. insiders.
"I know there are questions about whether we should gather here tonight because of COVID. Well, we're here to show the country that we're getting through this pandemic. Plus, everyone had to prove they're fully vaccinated and boosted," he stated. "Just contact your favorite Fox News reporter; they're all here vaccinated and boosted."
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He then talked about his historically low poll figures for the first time, insisting that journalists were the only people who were less well-liked.
"I'm really excited to be here tonight with the only group of Americans who have a lower approval rating than I have," Biden announced.
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"Well, that's hard to say after what we just saw the first time the President attended this dinner in six years."
"Well that's understandable - we had a horrible plague, followed by two years of COVID," the president continued.
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Biden then turned his attention to Republicans, and the leaked tapes of House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy insisting he would ask President Trump to resign after January 6.
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"Folks, I'm not really here to roast the GOP. That's not my style. Besides, there's nothing I can say about the GOP that Kevin McCarthy hasn't already put on tape," Biden announced to a room full of chuckles.
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"At the same time, a lot of people say the Republican Party's too extreme, too divisive to be controlled by one person. They say that's not your father's Republican Party. Ronald Reagan said to Mr. Gorbachev, tear this wall down. Today's Republicans say 'Tear down Mickey Mouse's house."
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"And pretty soon they'll be storming Cinderella's castle. You can be sure that Republicans appear to back one fella. Some guy named Brandon. He's having a really good year. I'm kind of happy for him," Biden announced, referring to the conservative rallying cry "Let's Go Brandon."
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Biden then presented comedian Trevor Noah, who is headlining the event, who denounced the large maskless gathering.
"It is my great honor to be speaking tonight at the nation's most distinguished super spreader events," Noah said. "No for real people. What are we doing here? Let's be honest. What are we doing? Like did none of you learn anything from the GridIron Dinner?"
"Do you read any of your own newspapers? I mean, I expect this from Sean Hannity, but the rest of you What are you doing?," he said.
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